Monday, June 23, 2008

Milestones, Rights of Passage

Yesterday we had a milestone day. Today is another.

Usually I write about work, creating, business stuff. But my business is so intertwined with my personal life that somedays, like today, it just feels like I should write about what I'm feeling instead of what I'm doing.

Yesterday my daughter who just recently turned 14 had her first "sort-of date" The day before her birthday, a boy that she has been best friends with all year asked her to be his girlfriend. They have been burning up the text messaging and phone lines for two weeks now. Today she went to church with him and had lunch with his family, then his dad, who is the pastor of the church they went to, brought them over here so they could watch Camp Rock together. Her boyfriend is very nice and I enjoyed talking to him and his father. The kids, ah, they were just too cute together, holding hands and while I'm not really ready for all this, and my heart aches that she is growing up, I was at the same time remembering how it felt to be so young and to have such new experiences. I wanted to take a picture of them together, but I didn't want to be "that mom". I'm sure there'll be other days to take pictures of them. Maybe I was a bit more accepting of this right of passage because, especially yesterday and today, I remembered all too much the deep sadness I endured as a 14 year old and I just want my daughter to have as many happy memories of this time in her life as possible. I will hover, and keep check on her, but I will also let her live and learn and have the fun that 14 should be.

Today is a different kind of milestone for me. 37 years ago today I lost my sweet Mama. She was only 37 years old. I was 14, same as my sweet daughter is now. There's something mystical in those numerical matches.

Nothing ever prepares me for this day, nothing ever makes it easier to face it. Nothing ever takes the pain away. But along with the pain, I do have a comfort that I did not have for most of the past 37 years. Because now, I have my Mama with me everyday. I see her face each morning when I open my website, and here on my blog and in pictures here in my studio and in my home. I honor her everyday with my work. I love that God guided me to build my business around the memory of her and the inspiration she has always been to me. Whatever path Mama's Pocketbook takes, whether it stays small or explodes into the stratosphere, or just makes some steady growth ... as long as I keep my love for my mother and for the artistry. creativity and beauty she taught me to embrace. at the center of what I do and who I am, I will be grateful and fulfilled. It's a miraculous blessing to find that a broken heart can still be a fulfilled one.
In memory. I miss you Mama, but I'm glad you are alive in my spirit and soul, and in my children too.

22 comments:

lisa said...

what a wonderful tribute to your mom.

I know all about the text messaging and boys. Good luck!

Lisa
www.palepinkandroses.com

Craft Diva said...

oh, dianne...how touching. first, your daughter is adorable. enjoy this time in her life with her...share the things that will soon be her memories. that's an awesome thing.

and about your mom: i am newer at the grieving thing...i lost my dad a year and a half ago. it doesn't get easier does it? but it is such a comfort to do things in their memory and how wonderful that you can do that each and everyday in your business.

Susan said...

Very moving piece...I always say life is so much more important than stuff!
Susan *dutchrose*

Miniature Patisserie Chef said...

Dianne,

What a beautiful story, and you have a beautiful daughter!

Pei Li

Shabby in Pink Boutique said...

Ahhhhh~ Your daughter is beautiful! Tell her Happy Birthday! That is so funny, my kids watched Kid Rock last night too. Enjoyed my visit! Have a Happy Monday!
Pink Hugs,
Stephanie

Silena said...

Dianne, I have a lump in my throat because you write so eloquently about your loved ones, both past and present! I lost my mom about 10 years ago, but I was already in my upper middle years and we enjoyed many wonderfilled years together. Your pride in your daughter is well deserved. She is beautiful and apparently well mothered!!

Beloved Creations said...

Dianne, I've been thinking about my mother too. She had such a hard life. Maybe because I am taking care of my grandmother I think of her more. Your tribute really touched me.

Lynn@ The Vintage Nest said...

Beautiful Dianne!

Noelle Garrett Designs said...

Dianne your daughter is adorable! I'm sure she will have so many wonderful memories! Such a touching piece. You remind us all to cherish all the things life has to offer!
hugs,
Carrie

Patricia said...

Dianne, that is a beautiful tribute.

Pat

Lilli Blue said...

Oh.... now I am crying again. I wrote about my mom too.I hope it gets easier and I hope it stops hurting but I will never forget her.
So much was going on when my Mom passed. Too much. i think i am just now feeling the impact.
My business at MMP. Started right after my mom died.
Thank You for being so candid.Your little girl is beautiful. And so is the one inside of you!
Lilli

Francie of The Scented Cottage said...

You are a wise woman with a lovely daughter and memories of a sweet Mama.

(())

Cottage Flair said...

Dianne,
What a beautiful tribute to your mother on this day and always. And your daughter is beautiful as well. I am right behind you with my son who just turned 12 and just discovered his "like" for girls. Keep on creating your beautiful things.
Jennifer

Janet Bernasconi said...

Oh Dianne,

You brought tears to my eyes. What a beautiful tribute to your sweet mom. I love her picture. Your daughter is so pretty just like you. I really enjoyed the your post.
XOXO
Janet
Janet's Creative Pillows

gail said...

Hi Dianne,,, what a really nice tribute to your mother. YOur daughter is adorable for sure. You know whats funny.. My Mom passed away one year ago today. So I understand how you feel, I was blessed to have my mom around longer though. I am sorry for your loss at such an early age... you are doing a wonderful job keeping her memory alive...luv and pink hugs, gail

Susie said...

Dianne, What a lovely right of passage about your daughter on this the day you honor your dear Mama. My heart knows all too well your loss as this is the day of my dear Mom's passing too, 28 years ago and you are right. It feels like 28 minutes some days. God bless. Your daughter is a cutie! Ah young love!
Susie ~ The Polka Dot Rose

Sweet Necessi-Teas said...

Dianne, I loved reading about your sweet DD's first sort-of date. It is hard to watch them grow up... And my heart aches for you as your mourn the loss still of your sweet mama. What a wonderful woman she must have been! (( )) CT

Debbie said...

Hi Dianne.......you wrote a beautiful post. It really is hard to watch our little girls grow up and become young women....and your daughter is so pretty! I know this was a bittersweet day for you but I'm glad you can find comfort in the memories you have of your mother.

Lots of Pink Hugs,
Debbie

SoCal Helene said...

Dianne, thank you for sharing this special day with us and your daughter is precious.
Carpe Diem!
Helene
Sisters Gift Company

Sweet Necessi-Teas said...

Dianne, (CT)
I am glad you were touched by my story. I was equally moved by yours... His lovingkindness and mercy at times when we need Him the most always brings me to tears and to my knees. He is so big and yet so personal! (( ))

Cheryl said...

Thank you, Dianne, for sharing such a lovely story about your Mama and your daughter!

Lilli Blue said...

Wow can you write. Now that has me in tears.Diane you are one of the most generous spirits I have ever met. Thank You for everything you do. yu are always so helpful on the forum.
Your Moma is just beautiful.
So is your little girl.
love, Lilli